I have had the same discussion with different friends for the past two weeks...."Why can't we find our better halves?" I am sure that this is not a conversation that just me and my friends have; I am positive that women all over share the same type of concerns.
The conversation becomes really heated right around the mid-twenties, when everyone is slowly counting the years til the deadline we set for our ideal age to get married. Women begin to panic and think that it's impossible that they are going to reach their well thoughtout goal.
If you are feeling this way as you read this post, don't worry you are not alone. I used to be someone that worried about meeting someone, and spent a lot of my time putting myself in the right situations to meet guys. I would sometimes even settle for going on dates with guys that I knew there was no future with.
It wasn't until recently that I developed a new approach to this whole finding my better half thing. I begin to pay attention more at church and read a few books on relationships. The constant theme that begin to come up, was that I needed to work on myself before I could find my better half.
I need to understand what makes me whole, before I can find someone that completes me. So often as people we develop a list of things that we think we are looking for in a person, never understanding that the list is probably not correct if we don't understand who we are first.
Steps to finding your better half:
1. Develop who you are a person. Work on personal and career goals. Let your first priority be yourself. How can you truly be great for someone else, if you don't have your own stuff together? Yes there is room for people to grow together, but you have to at least lay a foundation for yourself.
2. Understand what makes you happy. If you are looking for someone to spend the rest of your life with, you need to already know what makes you happy. Work on enjoying life alone and with friends/family before you look for someone else to make you happy.
3. Throw away the list. Stop creating list of things that you are looking for in a person. Usually the list that we create are full of superficial garbage anyway. It's like when we write a Christmas list, it is going to be filled with things that we would love to have, and rarely have anything on there that we need. When you are looking for a mate your list is going to have to include things that you need. Because most people cannot figure out the difference between needs and wants, don't even bother making them. Once you have developed who your are, you will begin to attract people that match self. The list won't be needed, because what you need will be reflected in who you are.
4. Just be friends at first. When you finally do meet a person, just be their friend. Taking the time to really get to know a person is key. You want to be able to thoroughly get to know their character and not the superficial things about them. So often if we don't take the time to get to know a person, we let our physical attractions for a person take over. You begin to think that the feelings that you have when you are having sex is indication of deep feelings for a person. It begins to confuse you; you ignore the signs that this person isn't right for you. If someone can truly be your friend, then that is the first sign that they relate to you in someway or another.
5. For females, stop looking so much and let the man find you. If you have developed yourself and have become the ultimate catch, then you will be caught. The key is having confidence in who you are....that will shine in a room full of a million girls all wearing short skirts. Never seem so thirsty to be in a relationship. If a guy thinks that you will give your all to any guy because you are desperate to be in a relationship, then he will assume that it is not him that you really want, it's any guy that will accept your offer. Chill, relax...they will come to you.
6. Never try to change someone. Naturally people grow, but it is not your job to re-create who they are. So often girls take a guy for who he is, but then try to shape him into their ideal man. It does not work like this, and for the most part you will fail. You will set high expectations for the relationship, never meeting any of them.
The key is that if both men and women are working on becoming better people, then by the time they come together, they will be able to concentrate on being good husbands and wives. Neo said it best, "I'm a movement by myself, but were a force when were together."
More advice to come...Feel free to ask me questions. Ill give the best advice I can. Always take people's advice and apply it with ease to your situation. All advice doesn't work for your personal situation.