The 5 Fears of a Man...and Why They Won't Commit

A Male's Point of View:

Keeping Up with the Huxtables

In response to the Socialite's article about in search of the perfect match and her advising women to stop searching and just wait, I know many women are wondering how long they will have to wait? They are probably also wondering what takes men so long to take the step towards commitment? I must sum it up in one word--Fear!

As a man you may think, " Fear, I'm not afraid of nothing. I just don't feel like doing...". Of course fellas you feel that you can do whatever you like without an explanation simply because you are the "Man"; so what do you have to fear? However the bottom line is that as humans we all share the common emotion of fear. Here is a single man's list to the Socialite's question all pertaining to that one word FEAR.

1. Fear of Intimacy- The fear of intimacy and emotional closeness simply because of the fact that our mate will seriously hurt or destroy us. The way to protect our emotions is by keeping a distance from committed intimate relationships. Keep in mind, men can be vulnerable as well.

2. Fear of Abandonment-The unshakable belief that our mate will desert us (physically) and will not really care about us (mentally). Now I know your thinking, "Are you even a man? You should be able to handle this." But in all honesty deep down this thought is possible and does exist within a man. We know that women can play the game just as well as the fellas or even better. We have to protect ourselves.

3. Fear of being Selfless- The idea of having to tend to someone else's desires, concerns, and cares is very overwhelming. Once committed to a relationship a man can no longer worry for himself or even work for himself. Your mate has to be considered in every action that you take. As a result, the thought of losing independence to a woman or submitting to a woman's needs can take a toll on a man's time for himself which leads to less time with the fellas; no time for sports, no time to chill...Just less time in general. Which takes me to point number 4.

4. Fear of Wasting time. Ladies, I know you're thinking, "I'm no waste of time." However, that's not what I'm saying. This point reverts back to point #2. What if she isn't the one. The girl that you've wined and dined, and took home to meet mom, wasn't in the relationship for your best interests. Better yet, what if she is a completely different person than the person you initially met. You've invested all of this time into this ONE girl and she's just not what you are looking for at the moment.

5. Fear of Self- This speaks to the man's ego. There is nothing like a man having his ego crushed. All people have flaws, but men don't like their flaws to be exposed. We are aware of our flaws, but having someone there to acknowledge our flaws and hold us accountable for those flaws deter with a man's pride. Also, the modern day woman has established herself firmly in society. Many women have reached or surpassed men in terms of being self sufficient and independent. If a man is not secure about his financial status to cater to his woman's needs and desires he won't pursue as aggressively(We all know women love to to be cared for). Lastly, a man may not trust himself with being committed and doesn't want to bother in hurting his mates feelings until he is mentally secured in his ability to being a one woman man.

Although society generally does not associate the word FEAR with being masculine, it's an emotion that can and will hold back ANYONE if they are not ready to do ANYTHING! In this case, it is related to male/female relationships and it is justifiable as a reason and not an exuse. Better yet, can you fault a man for not knowing what he wants in life when it comes to relationships. All of these reasons have a correlation with one thing-TIME! If the time is not right than we have to accept that premise. Timing is key in every decision that has to be made by a person. I think women should consider these reasons and try to be patient with us. We all have the desire to love in our hearts, it just takes a lot for us to give it so fast. It's nothing wrong with not knowing being that we all have potential.

Now I know that there are many more reason's why men take so long to ladies and gentlemen what do you think? To supplement these 5 FEARS check out some movies about black love and analyze the male character (s) traits in relationship to the female character(s). And let us know what you think?

Some suggestions:

The Wood
Why did I Get Married
Love Jones
Brown Sugar
Soul Food
The Brothers
Baby Boy

-Mr. Knowitall



rawdawgbuffalo said...

i disagree with all of them. for a boy i would agree not a man

eclectik said...

I dunno...

I cant really identify with any...if I had to pick one it would be #4

How about a post on labels and why they means so much to women and how in the grand scheme of things they mean nothing to a relationship?

Your blog is the hotness


reality.check! said...

mr.knowitall... sorry to tell ya, u know nothing...

The Socialite said...

I think that Mr. Knowitall is describing fears that are inside of men that they cannot really describe. So many men wait longer than women to commit, and we wonder why. I really think that it has a lot to do with the feelings that men have deep inside. Women are willing to jump right into a relationship, ignoring possible rejection, ignoring the fact that there might be other men out there, and ignoring everything else that might be telling us its just not the right time.

Men on the other hang fear that they might miss out on stuff if they settle down right away. I think that Mr.Knowitall is just describing some inner fears that one cannot explain. But im not a man, so you guys know better than me! :)

Miss Me said...

LoL at the previous responses.
I gotta say though, i think this list is spot on but in a weird way.

I'm a Lady myself and I think that all of the above apply to me more than they should, i guess.

Thanks for sharing

The Socialite said...

@ Miss Me: I think they describe alot of people. But yeah its weird for women, because we usually are ready to jump right in!

Beautifully.Conjured.Up said...

Just to piggyback on other comments, I would say this goes for both men and women.

For me, I would love to get married and establish a family, but I would also have to admit that I share some of these fears, especially #2 (Fear of Abandonment). I have attachment issues, so I tend to not get attached to people to keep my heart from breaking.

The Socialite said...

I agree with you! I think all of these can for both men and women. Fear plays a major role in a lot of decisions that we make in life. No man(woman) lives without some type of fear.

Leah Janell said...

WOW, I must admit I cant help but to laugh at the fears of Men today, if a MAN fears intimacy then why do the long phone conversations, why text cute messages during the day, why the long walk home, no forhead kisses no nothing these are all acts of intimacy. Then after all this they actually hold you at night. I can't deal Men can be so childish at times.... How about the FEAR OF GROWING UP...

Eb the Celeb said...

I feel the problem is that men dont know that women have these same fears. We feel the same way. The problem is we wont let the fear keeps us from being with someone that we really want. A man on the other hand will know this chick is the one and still pull away and feel like he has to play the field a little longer. Then complains to his boys 5 years later about how he cant find the one because he's finally ready and realizes how he let a good one go.

@eclectik - we need labels because without them men with do whatever with whoever and not have any consequences... I he doesnt come out and say he is your man, than when he dips out there is nothing you can do because you two are just casually dating... women are territorial and want to be assured that something is all there's.

Dyb said...

I think this makes alot of since because men do take a while to admit and commit to a girl who they know their in love with. Men dance all around before they finally see shes the one. You almost have to bust him upside the head to let him know, "hello im right here". Its like men have to see his women talking to someone else in order for him to make the next step. I think mr. Knowitall may have something, men do fear things and it slows them down women do to but we dont let it hinder us, well the most of us wont.

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