A Male's Point of View:
In response to the Socialite's article about in search of the perfect match and her advising women to stop searching and just wait, I know many women are wondering how long they will have to wait? They are probably also wondering what takes men so long to take the step towards commitment? I must sum it up in one word--Fear!
As a man you may think, " Fear, I'm not afraid of nothing. I just don't feel like doing...". Of course fellas you feel that you can do whatever you like without an explanation simply because you are the "Man"; so what do you have to fear? However the bottom line is that as humans we all share the common emotion of fear. Here is a single man's list to the Socialite's question all pertaining to that one word FEAR.
1. Fear of Intimacy- The fear of intimacy and emotional closeness simply because of the fact that our mate will seriously hurt or destroy us. The way to protect our emotions is by keeping a distance from committed intimate relationships. Keep in mind, men can be vulnerable as well.
2. Fear of Abandonment-The unshakable belief that our mate will desert us (physically) and will not really care about us (mentally). Now I know your thinking, "Are you even a man? You should be able to handle this." But in all honesty deep down this thought is possible and does exist within a man. We know that women can play the game just as well as the fellas or even better. We have to protect ourselves.
3. Fear of being Selfless- The idea of having to tend to someone else's desires, concerns, and cares is very overwhelming. Once committed to a relationship a man can no longer worry for himself or even work for himself. Your mate has to be considered in every action that you take. As a result, the thought of losing independence to a woman or submitting to a woman's needs can take a toll on a man's time for himself which leads to less time with the fellas; no time for sports, no time to chill...Just less time in general. Which takes me to point number 4.
4. Fear of Wasting time. Ladies, I know you're thinking, "I'm no waste of time." However, that's not what I'm saying. This point reverts back to point #2. What if she isn't the one. The girl that you've wined and dined, and took home to meet mom, wasn't in the relationship for your best interests. Better yet, what if she is a completely different person than the person you initially met. You've invested all of this time into this ONE girl and she's just not what you are looking for at the moment.
5. Fear of Self- This speaks to the man's ego. There is nothing like a man having his ego crushed. All people have flaws, but men don't like their flaws to be exposed. We are aware of our flaws, but having someone there to acknowledge our flaws and hold us accountable for those flaws deter with a man's pride. Also, the modern day woman has established herself firmly in society. Many women have reached or surpassed men in terms of being self sufficient and independent. If a man is not secure about his financial status to cater to his woman's needs and desires he won't pursue as aggressively(We all know women love to to be cared for). Lastly, a man may not trust himself with being committed and doesn't want to bother in hurting his mates feelings until he is mentally secured in his ability to being a one woman man.
Although society generally does not associate the word FEAR with being masculine, it's an emotion that can and will hold back ANYONE if they are not ready to do ANYTHING! In this case, it is related to male/female relationships and it is justifiable as a reason and not an exuse. Better yet, can you fault a man for not knowing what he wants in life when it comes to relationships. All of these reasons have a correlation with one thing-TIME! If the time is not right than we have to accept that premise. Timing is key in every decision that has to be made by a person. I think women should consider these reasons and try to be patient with us. We all have the desire to love in our hearts, it just takes a lot for us to give it so fast. It's nothing wrong with not knowing being that we all have potential.
Now I know that there are many more reason's why men take so long to commit...so ladies and gentlemen what do you think? To supplement these 5 FEARS check out some movies about black love and analyze the male character (s) traits in relationship to the female character(s). And let us know what you think?
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