Women the Head of the Household? Is It our Fault When a Man Can't Handle it?

As Black women we are on the rise in the job force. Statistics show that more women are going to college and landing corporate jobs. Statistics also show that there are way more men losing jobs during the recession then women.

What does that mean for our community?

It means that more men might lose the title as the provider of their families and more women must become the support.

I ask the question almost everyday...can men and women handle a woman making more money in the household?

There has always been various responses, with me being on the side that thinks it is hard for us to handle.

But someone recently brought up a point saying that men probably could handle it more if women did not throw it in their faces all of the time.

He said that he feels like men do have insecurities when it comes to not being the provider for their families, but he says that they probably would be able to deal with it if it was not for how women handle the situation.

He goes on to describe situations where women attack a mans pride:

"So I have to pay for this meal again?"

"What do you bring to the table?"

"I pay the bills, what do you do?"

"Can you do something with your life please"

He basically outlines times where women like to throw the fact that they make more money into a guys face...

I can see where he is coming from in some cases. There have been minor times where I paid for a guy on a date and then made smart comments under my breathe indicating that I was not pleased. I agree that if that is the situation and you say that you are comfortable with it, then you can not make remarks about it afterwards.

What do you think?

Do you think that women play a major part in a man not being comfortable making less money than his mate?

Do you think that you could handle a woman making more money then you?

Could you handle a man making less money then you?

(let us know what you think...help us Keep Up!)



Beautifully.Conjured.Up said...

Just being honest, the only way that I can take a man making less money than me is if something goes wrong with his job (i.e. he made more money prior to this happening). Other than that, I can't handle the fact that a man makes less money than I do.

I do think at times, women can make a man feel uncomfortable because we as women get emotional and are quick to bring the issue up in his face.

The Socialite said...

@ Beautifully: I respect that answer! I think it is probably an answer that most women will either say or want to say. I think that we all could learn to handle it, but I agree off back it might be hard.

I might be able to handle a man making less than me, as long as he maintains being the King of the house.

Some men still know how to maintain control of the household without making more money.

Like I think Obama still was the head of his house, even tho for years Michelle made more.

RiPPa said...

I think the women you've described above are representative of the ones who do not have lasting relationships. That said, its my belief that in some instances these women contribute to their demise and its not necessarily a problem of men not being able to handle said reality.

FreeMan Press said...

Now if it's two well off people coming together then it's not a big deal. What's really the problem is when the bread counts for keeping people from living a lower level of life. So when it's 45K to 30k it causes a problem with most men. So to me it's not the fact that women make more I think it directly corresponds to what is being provided. If the money brings vacations I don't think it bothers a man but if that money puts food on the table it can cause problems.

Its definitely not a womans fault at all. Truth be told if a man feels bad about it he should just go out and get more even if he falls short I think the woman will respect him more. It's not that women want to be the head of the household its just forced upon them and like anyone who carries the weight they want more respect.

To me it's like asking a woman to adjust around crazy. It's going to be hard to keep someone bipolar happy. Women need to do what men have had to do for a long time and that is grin and bear it.

The Socialite said...

@ Freeman: I totally see your point! Like lets take Beyonce and Jay-Z for example...they both make a lot of money so I do not think that if Beyonce brings in more money one month that Jay-Z will be pissed.

I think it comes down to just what you said...more in the middle/lower class level.

I also see your point when it comes down to women wanting respect and if men want the respect than they probably need to go out and make something happen.

What use to be an age where men did what they needed to do to support their family...has turned to a time where some men are just giving up.

Lets all work together to make the Black family work no matter what the situation is. That means that both parties need to work hard in all areas that it takes to raise a family.

Sartorially Savvy said...

I think the disparity comes in when a woman who happens to make more money treats the man like he's less of a man because he makes less. Monetary earnings are not constitutive of manhood. Some people think they're correlated and that's not the case. If both partners have a clear understanding of what they're bringing to the table and a dynamic that is determined to work together and cohesively, it shouldn't be a problem who makes more.

The Socialite said...

@Savvy: I agree that money does not determine manhood... but i think that like anything money tends to play a part in a lot of definitions that it shouldn't be a determining factor in.

Head of household, success, happiness...and the list goes on.

So I think sometimes it is just easier said than done to eliminate it from those areas.

Anonymous said...

It's never a woman's fault if a man can't handle making less. I agree with some of what Beautifully.Conjured.Up said, but I think what women really don't want is a man who isn't trying as hard as she is. We all know at least one woman who has some kids, a full-time job, and she's going to school nights and weekends to improve her situation. Years later, that same woman will be financially secure looking for a man who worked just as hard to also be financially secure.

A woman starts looking around and she doesn't see very many men who put in the type of efforts she did and she can't respect that. It's like the smart slacker kid in the class who never did any homework and barely came to class, but aced every exam anyway. You admire their intelligence but you can't respect how they're wasting a natural talent.

Black men are lucky black women feel they have natural talents, because the rest of the world doesn't always see that in them. Some black women feel like they're making it despite the obstacles in their path, and when they see black men who don't have children, or their children don't even live with them, they feel like those men should be more advanced in their financial situation.

Some men who are with women who make more feel like they're under a self-examining microscope. I think they start to question whether they've done enough, whether they've put in enough effort. A real man is motivated to step up his game. Unfortunately, there are too many men who'd rather pull the woman down to his level than step up to hers. They don't want to put in any extra effort and they resent hers. Hence, discussion topics like this.

george said...

Big Misunderstanding going on here. Alot of women get jobs now thru what I call "group hires", whether its a group of college graduated women or a group of women at the local nursing program, You all are getting hired in bunches, while men have to find that one insignificant job and pray he keeps it. Many women and their "girlfriends" are taking classes together, getting jobs together, and shutting men out of the process. Head of Household is just a title, its not gender based. If you make more, you are head of household. You handle it.

Anonymous said...

It depends on the type of man that you're dealing with.

On one hand it is very hard because we are now being forced to do the job of a man AND a woman.

If that man is willing to pick up some of "our" duties such as cooking, keeping the house clean etc... then we may be able to handle it better.

But if a woman has to do both "his" job as provider and still be expected to come home and perform "our" duties as a women then where is the balance?

I don't like having to be the woman AND the man in a relationship.

Often times some men have a tendency to mirror the disappointment that they have about themselves off on us.

Then you also have the LOSERS who are completely content with sitting at home being HOUSEBANDS and not really trying to find employment.

The Socialite said...

You are correct, it really does depend on if the man is picking up the other half of the responsibilities. Things could work when you carefully define your household and both of you are equally as important to the home. It can still be difficult if a woman doesn't let a man be a man....which by the way doesn't mean he brings the most money in.

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