I Won't and You Can't Make Me

Written by Sister Toldja

Single Black Tragic Woman Theatre is in effect mode. The things we used to discuss amongst ourselves in Essence, in beauty shop and on ladies nights are now being placed on the national stage. The invisible woman got the whole world watching...and instead of celebrating her, they're trying to figure out why she can't get a man. How dreadful. How embarrassing. How wholly unsurprising.

I'm not linking any of these articles or news stories. They are easily found via Google. I'm not giving them any more hits. If a major network or paper wants to holler at ME, they can do that. Send some readers my way, pay me back for the mental anguish I have been caused for the past few weeks since you all have decided to make Black women look like a tragic and lonely monolith. Quote me, pay me, apologize...do something.

I don't hear anyone acknowledging how centuries of oppression and a systematic destruction of the Black man, woman and child could render us unable to love one another . All I hear is Black women who are successful are lonely because they are surpassing their men in class, outnumber them regardless of class and may be too picky. All I hear are people who got all the nerve in the world for trying to fix someone else who are telling me what I am doing wrong with my life. I am not comfortable with short sighted arguments for a subject as life altering as my chances of ever being married and starting a family.

What is REALLY burning my biscuits though is the tired advice being thrown at sisters and one suggestion in particular has me vexed. We are being told to date out of the race. This is problematic on a number of levels:

1) I believe that most of the sisters who want to date interracially have already started doing so without any one's permission or urging. This "advice" implies that sisters haven't the wherewithal to consider making this move until someone else tells them it's okay.

2) It's insulting to men of other races to pose them as a second prize trophy of sorts.

3) It's a slap in the face to sisters who have declared themselves to be loyal to Black men to hear "Naw, we good. Go on 'head, we don't care."

4) It disregards the fact that many Black women are simply not interested in dating men of other races.

I understand how numbers work. I get that if every Black man got married to a Black woman, there would still be some Black women left over. I get that while most Black men who marry will marry Black, they are more likely to try something else than we are. I even get that the media would rather harp over the tragic Black woman than to engage long term solutions for healing Black men so that the man shortage disappears over time*. I get all of these things, I accept them and I proceed with this knowledge.

What I do not get are the number of people, usually Black women and White men, who treat me like I am some short of racist leper for not being willing to date men of other races. I do not get the resentment thrown at Black women who do not choose to entertain non-Black men. If I unpacked my loyalty to our men and completely disregarded my father's wish to see me bring home a strong Black man like himself ...I still wouldn't be physically attracted to men of other races. If I were somehow able to change the latter, I'd be compromising my commitment to the former....

Read the rest here: http://thebeautifulstruggler.blogspot.com/2009/12/i-don.html


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