Simple and Cost Effective Dates for the New Age Guy...

Okay, so it is clear that we have lost the old school guy who use to court a female and work to get her affection. We have now been introduced to the new school kid who's idea of courting is watching TV at your house and ordering take-out. Why this change has occurred is beyond me, and my mom would laugh if she knew half of the things these guys come at me with. (And before you are the guy who loves to take women out and show them a good time, and is ready to scream that all men are not like this...I will save you the energy...”All Guys are not like this.” There!)

I am going to give the guys of our generation the benefit of the doubt just for this post. Let's just say that we are all going through hard times, and financially taking a woman out just isn't in your budget. I am quick to say then maybe you shouldn't be dating during these hard times, but that would be unfair cause you deserve to be in the company of the opposite sex *rolls my eyes*. But I won't speak so quickly, and instead I will possibly give you a few ways to get around the "finance blues".

Before I get into my suggestions on how you can successfully court a woman without coming off as a cheap bastard, someone who lacks creativity, or someone who simply wants to get in my pants (and if you do, the list below might help you be a little more slick...nothing worse than I guy with no game *shaking my head*), let me just say this post comes from months of frustration in dealing with random guys in NY who I much rather die than to ever go out with again. Also, GUYS every woman is not a gold digger looking for an expensive meal. Women want to be swept off of their feet, and a good woman won't settle for your laziness. You should not settle for hers either.

It is summer time, so courting a girl becomes very simple and cost effective.

1. Take her out for ice-cream. It isn't a full meal, but can be such a delight in the summer time. Go to a place that maybe has outside seating to eat the ice-cream, or go eat it on a bench near by. You can enjoy the sweet treat together, talk, and enjoy the weather.

2. Take a walk through the park. It is always nice to walk and talk to the sounds of birds chirping (unless you are in the hood, then maybe the sounds of everything else will do), nice scenery, and you can always stop and chat on a nearby rock, grass patch, or bench.

3. Have a picnic in the park. You can suggest that you make things together for the picnic, therefore you don't have to spend all of your money. But to make things simple, get a nice fruit and cheese platter and some wine (it can be a $6 bottle...she will be just fine with it).

4. Go get coffee at a local coffee shop. Starbucks in the best tasting by far, but the fact that it is a big brand might throw everything off. Try going to somewhere cute and intimate.

5. Take her to somewhere that screams you have culture! Maybe the museum, zoo, or a play during the afternoon (cheaper).

6. Go out for dessert late night! Saves you money on the full dinner, but it is still cute enough to pass as a good date.

I can come up with tons of more ideas, but I don’t think that I should do all the work for you! I am confident that you can come up with more than “can I come over, or do you want to come over here”? But if you need any more ideas, just email me!

Now before I go I must must address one more thing. I have heard a few guys say lately over twitter or in passing the following things:

1. A woman must earn the right for me to take her out.
2. A lot of women will just take a meal and run.
3. I am really just trying to have sex with her, and she isn’t worth all of this.

All three statements annoy me to great lengths. Saying that a woman must earn the right for you to take her out is beyond me. First, how does one do that? If you mean yall have to get to know each other through a few conversations first than I agree! So continue to have phone conversations with her, but the first date should still be nice once you are “convinced” she is okay to take out. Anything else you might mean by it, like I need to chill at her house and get to know her, don’t be dumb!

The statement about a lot of women taking a meal and running, just remember this...if she runs after a meal you have simply lost a few bucks, if you run after yall have sex, she has lost a part of herself (Yet you don’t seem to care about the last part, and are quick to do this). So give me a break about her running after a meal. Have more faith in yourself anyways.

Finally, if you are only trying to have sex with her, like I said above, you still need to learn how to be slick. If you don’t want to be slick, then simply be honest about what you are trying to do. Those are the only things that are acceptable in my book.

Until your next date...

-The Socialite

The Not So Traditional Path...the Creative One That Is...

Being a creative person in a creative field sometimes makes you wonder if you should have went the more traditional route instead. You wonder if it would have just been easier to go to law school or medical school? If spending tons of dollars on additional education just to be a little bit more confident that a job will be waiting with your name on it, is a easier plan?

Going a route that doesn't land you big bucks by following an already concrete plan can be very challenging. If you are any type of artist you spend days trying to come up with the right song or painting that will wow the world or at least someone other than yourself. If you are into marketing, pr, or advertising, you know that you must start at the bottom and work your way up, hoping that you land on the right brand that helps you make a name for yourself. If you are into fashion, Devil Wears Prada is more than just a movie, it is the life that you live.

Although all of these fields can be quit fulfilling once something is truly accomplished, and at times can seem very glamorous when you are out covering an event, working with top designers, performing in front of thousands of people, or selling your painting at a top art gallery, it is a special kind of grind that few survive.

I remember being younger and the teacher asking everyone what they wanted to be when they grew up, and voices came from everywhere yelling "teacher", "doctor", "lawyer", "police officer"... You rarely heard someone say "writer", "dancer", "publicist"....

At some point while growing up you realized that the way your brain worked was meant to be used to decorate the world. You were suppose to create the clothes that help define who people are. You were meant to create the music that helps someone get through a sad moment in their life. You were meant to come up with the idea that would convince people to buy a product that could save their life. You were the one that was meant to write the book that would change someones life, or finally the painting that someone wakes up to every morning...making them smile just a little bit more.

If you picked this route, realize your path could never be straight, because the curve in the road is what is needed for you to create the next masterpiece of the world. People are not entertained by anything that seems regular or plain...why would you think your path wouldn't resemble what you were meant to create?

Keep going down the path you were destined to walk...

-The Socialite

Is there More Than One Mr. Big in New York City?

Saturday I went to my very first Bridal Shower. Tons of emotions and thoughts came out of this experience. I think that that if I had to BBM (blackberry message) this post to anyone, that I would use more than half of the emoticons to express this experience. Of course I had signs of joy, happiness, and cries; my Line Sister is getting married and I could never be more excited for the joint union of her and her fiance...a much anticipated event!

But in addition to the above feeling of complete happiness, the 25 year-old blues began to also come out (well, almost 25). Have you looked around lately and began to see marriages and babies popping up left and right all around you, and can't help but think are you behind, is something wrong with you, and when will you be next?

I hate comparing my life to those around me, and actually preach against this quit often to my friends, but I can't help but wonder will I be the black Carrie Bradshaw and not get married til I am almost 40 years old, or even more dreadful become Samantha who never gets married?

This is the thought running through the mind of a young female living in the city of NY, where things seem to happen at a total different rate than every other city in the world. A city where the places you eat, people you meet, obstacles that occur, and things that you learn come in at a speeding rate of at least 120 miles per hour, while the rest of the country goes the freakin speed limit. But when it comes to buying houses, cars, saving tons of money, and of course getting married, we are indeed going below the speed limit....which probably should be illegal.

I am in a city where women tend to focus directly on their careers, or become lost in a city where it seems like Mr. Right lives clear across the city, and trust me that is far far away. I can't help but wonder if the choice to live a rock star lifestyle, party with celebrities, eat the finest food, meet everyone from models to starving artist selling their CD's on the corner, dating everyone from an athlete to your regular NY dude, and having 3 pretty cool gigs, is it worth the delay in my future?

Should I be considering an alternative lifestyle just to get back on track with the rest of the world? This is something that I battle with daily, and strongly wish that the weight would be lifted from my shoulder and the answer would be right in front of me. I am guessing that I might need to make this decision fast before I am stuck truly being a reflection of the ladies in Sex and the City. I'll give myself at least another year, and while I wait, maybe just maybe God will make all my dreams come true right here in the city that Keys says, "Dreams are made of"! We will see...

-The Socialite

A Friend...And So Part of His Master Plan...

I find it completely charming that God takes the time to carefully select the perfect people to come in and OUT of my life. Sometimes I feel like God has a to-do list with my name plastered across the top, and tells himself that I will make sure to cross every single thing off the list to make sure that my child has everything that she needs to make it is this extremely awkward world.

What brings me to this thought process? Well, many things of course, but today I swear a light bulb just went off in my head yet again. I was reading a friends blog today that she hasn't really started sharing with the rest of the world yet, but I couldn't help but smile from ear to ear at every post I read. I felt like I was reading a much needed novel that would give me a little bit more insight on the thoughts that run through my mind daily.

I must confess, there are not many people that I find have a similar thought process to my own. Yes, there are a few people that I feel have similar personality traits (S/O to all of my fellow Leos who think the world is completely theirs, and everyone else is just living in it), or there are the people whom I relate because we come off as extremely dominant in every situation, and somehow manage to become the center of attention(as if we don't strategically figure out how to make that happen), but I never discovered someone who looked through the same lenses as I do when looking at the rest of the world.

Although, the person that God so carefully wanted me to realize shared a similarity with me that quit frankly scares the mess out of me, also reminded that we handle situations much differently. I started to ask myself why God wanted me to indeed find a connection with a person that is so unique. I then quickly understood that are similarities is what was going to make our friendship stronger, but our differences were what was going to make us so much wiser.

You see, God places individuals in your life for thousands of different reasons, and I am blessed to say that I have some of the most amazing people standing in front of me, around me, and even far away where I don't see them daily. But it is truly inspiring when God reveals that you are not alone in the way that you see the world. You see, the way that one sees the world is very different from the person standing right next to them. One may see that the sky is blue, and the other may see that it is cloudy gray. But when two people see that the sky is indeed no color at all, but simply a color that can be defined in whatever way we see fit (and more than likely will be a brighter one of the choices), you can't help but smile that God has placed this person strategically in your life for you to carry out a plan together much greater than one could ever imagine.

Thank God for friends, and thank God for seeing one of my friends in an entire new light!

-The Socialite

Detroit 187...Can TV Be Anymore Entertaining?

Have I ever mentioned that television has become pure bs? Yeah...I am sure I have. It is truly disgusting and a reflection of a generation that can easily be entertained by others foolishness. I mean you can get famous today by simply releasing a sex tape (which by the way can be performed better by a freakin virigin...they aren't even that good...not that I have seen many). To make the water inside me boil even more, they come out with Detroit 187, a show where they will show you the streets of Detroit and detectives working hours to solve the many crimes that occur in Detroit everyday.

Do we really need another freakin detective/cop television show that highlights the bad things that people do everyday? Yes I get it, let's give light to all of the negativity of the world, and then wonder why in fact our kids are as messed up as they are, or have confused looks on our faces when we discover that the crime rate has increased even more.

No, it would just be too darn hard to develop something as creative as the Cosby Show or A Different World. I agree that Friends just might be too hard to duplicate and never mind ever creating anything that came on before those shows. (I hope that you hear my sarcasm, because I will scream if you think I agree that our generation lacks the creativity to create shows that can become classics)

But despite the fact that I am confident quality positive shows can indeed be produced, what makes me more mad is the constant negativity displayed about Detroit itself. This show is complete garbage, and one more thing to highlight all of the negative aspects of Detroit. Let's just sit back and talk about one of the "worse" cities in Detroit, make a show so we can further dwell on the fact, and never do a damn thing about it. Let's give all our money away to other countries that are struggling, and forget about what goes on in our own backyards. Oh I forgot, that is the American way.

People will probably tune in, but please spare me the details and the questions just because I am from there. Please do not ask me do I know about a certain area or have I experienced a certain thing. It will come off as dumb as "do you live on 8 mile?", as if everyone in Detroit is from one damn block.

If I myself knew how to write and produce a television show, it would finally show all the ignorant people across the country the tons of influential blacks living in Atlanta, Detroit, Chicago, and other places, just to give you a little insight into a world that you rarely see, or probably assume doesn't exist. It will look nothing like the Real Housewives of Atlanta, College Hill, or Baldwin Hills. You will be amazed and I might just win a freakin Emmy.

I'm over wondering when television will go back to normal. Such a sad society where we hate ourselves so much that seeing others horrible lives makes us feel a slight bit entertained. One day we will all wake up, but until then, did anyone see Real Housewives of New York reunion yesterday? lol

-The Socialite

An Open Letter to Slim Thug...and My 2 Cents on The Side...

As you all may have heard by now, Rapper Slim Thug wrote a recent comment in an article in Vibe stating the following:


“Most single Black women feel like they don’t want to settle for less. Their st
andards are too high right now. They have to understand that successful Black men are kind of extinct.”

“My girl is Black and White. I guess the half White in her is where she still cooks and do all the shit that I say, so we make it. She just takes care of me and I like that. She don’t be begging and I don’t gotta buy her all this crazy ass shit. And she’s a smart girl too.”

“White women treat they man like a king and Black women feel like they ain’t gotta do that shit. Black women need to stand by their man more. Don’t always put the pressure of if I’m fucking with you, you gotta buy me this and that. Black men are the ones that motherfuckers need [but] I think a lot of them need to step it up too.”


After reading it, it didn't make me as mad as I thought I would be. I mean I had read tons of comments from angry women, that I thought that he straight up called us bitches and hoes. But I do understand the black woman's frustration stemming from his comments, but most importantly the comments that many black men make every day.

Black women also make similar comments about black men needing to do better, but there is a huge difference. One being that we rarely leave the black mans side regardless of what he does, but as soon as black men think we are messing up, it's on to the next race.

Anyways, I can go on forever, and maybe one freakin day I will (although I feel like I talk about this subject every moment I get with my girls and male friends). Today it seems I don't need to explain what black women were trying to say in the space allotted on comment sections of tons of blogs that posted his interview. One great Professor from Columbia University summarized everything that would have come out of my brain onto this computer screen. And he writes:


Slim,

A few days ago, you made comments in Vibe magazine that have caused a great deal of controversy. While I appreciate your willingness to offer your opinion in public, you made several statements that were not only unfair and untrue, but deeply damaging to our community. Normally, I would reach out to you privately, but since your comments were made in a very public place, I feel compelled to respond in the same manner.

As an artist who is respected by millions of fans, particularly young ones, I found your comments to be hurtful and irresponsible. For good or for bad, our children follow the lead of you and other artists for everything from fashion and slang to self-esteem, body image and relationships. Imagine how a young black girl feels to hear from you, her role model, that her “standards are too high” and that she should “bow down” and “settle for less.” Consider the pain that our beautiful brown skinned babies feel when Yung Berg says he doesn’t date “dark butts.” Think about the self-esteem of our community when Nelly refers to our mothers, sisters, and daughters as “Tip Drills.”As celebrities, your public comments are not just your own. Instead they influence the choices, beliefs, and lives of an entire generation of young people who look to you for direction.

Of course, you have every right to say things that you think are true. The problem, however, is that there was very little truth in your comments.

In your interview, you talk about how much better white women treat their partners than black women. If what you’re saying is true, why do Whites have the highest divorce rate of any group? Do white men get tired of being treated like kings? In reality, it seems that you are buying into (and selling) a stale but dangerous ideal that constructs White women as ultra-feminine, loving, queens, and Black women as angry, selfish, and untrustworthy hoes.Even more disturbing was your comment that “Black women gotta start being down for their man more.” Since slavery, Black women have had to withstand rape, torture, and humiliation (from both white and black men) in order to sustain their families. Now, in 2010, 1 in 3 Black men between 20 and 29 years old are incarcerated or otherwise under criminal supervision. Every day, Black women are raising children without men in the house, working multiple jobs (for less pay!), and supporting brothers as they finish their prison bids.

With Black male unemployment as high as 50 percent in some cities, sisters are often holding down households without child support or other financial assistance. Black female incarceration rates are skyrocketing, partly because Black women are “riding” for their men, hiding guns and drugs, operating as mules, and refusing to snitch to authorities. In addition, Black women are the group most likely to be victims of domestic violence and the least likely to be married. Still, in spite of all this bad news, Black women are less likely to date outside their race than Black men.

How much more “down” do you want Black women to be?I agree with you that both brothers and sisters have work to do. Over the last year, we’ve seen countless TV shows, movies, and bestselling books telling Black women how broken they are, how ugly they are, why they don’t have a man, and how they need to behave. Instead of adding to this pile of pain and ignorance, I would encourage you to turn the mirror on yourself. How does the image of the pimp/player/baller/dopeboy promoted in your music help to create the “gold diggers” that you badmouth in your interviews? How might your own admitted failures at monogamy undermine the type of loyalty that you find missing in Black women? Criticizing the vulnerable is easy. Working on yourself is the difficult part.The world is watching. What will you do?


Your Brother,

Marc Lamont Hill
http://www.marclamonthill.com/




I could not have said it any better. Marc you left me thinking I was listening to a much needed sermon that should be delivered to black men across the country. All I can say after reading that is, "Can I get a witness?"

We have to understand that as a race for the longest all we had was each other, and oh what a slap in the face that one would decide to leave his own race because he feels less of a King. A true King steps up in his kingdom and brings every one up to where he thinks they should be. It is a coward who instead decides that the task of bringing up my fellow people is too hard, and thus I give up. Instead I will leave my race and write an entire article about how they aren't shit for everyone to read.


We have to do better people...let's bring the black family back!


-The Socialite

It's Been A Long Time.. I Shouldn't Have Left You.. Without...

It has been a little bit since that last time I posted. I left you for a second without a single way to “Keep Up”. I must apologize for my absence, but I took a much needed break. It was the time one takes to get their life back in order (as if that can ever truly happen without another scene of events to knock it right back off track again). I started two new jobs and needed time to discover how I was going to create that much needed balance in a “Socialites” life. From long hours at work to trying to at least show my face on the party scene, I needed to figure out what time of the day I was going to take my computer out and actually log on to the site.

I know excuses excuses excuses...I get it! I should have just made time. So I am going to attempt to come back. Let me give you a little recap on what I have been up to.

1. I work for this company called Great Performances where I am most referred to as the “Social Media Marketer”, but often called the girl who tweets.
2. I took on a few shifts at a spot called Dizzy’s Club Coca-Cola, where my above company controls the menu and staff. I spend my nights answering telephones, making reservations, and greeting jazz heads as I escort them to their seats. I would say that it is a pretty cool gig and I greet some pretty awesome people sometimes.
3. I have started hitting the club scene again, and not surprised or anything, but I hid in my apartment for a few months and came back out to discover that some of my usual hangout spots had closed. I mean a club’s life span is never that long, but I hate the idea of having to create a new roster of clubs to hang out in this summer. My usual spots like Pink Elephant and M2 decided that it was time to die, and I am eagerly awaiting their grand new openings under new names. Let’s see....maybe they will call Pink Elephant Red Elephant now (makes sense to me anyways...you may or may not get this). Anyways, in their absence I have been hanging out at “The Gates” on Monday nights. It has a weird time that it actually pops tho, and it is somewhat annoying. I know that NYC clubs stay open until about 4am, but not “poppin” until 2am is a little awkward. If I have to constantly wait until 1am to leave my house, I might not make it there again.
4. I recently started a small goal of drinking tons of water a day. Who am I kidding? Drinking tons of water a day is a large goal for me. I hate the taste of something so bland! But I know that it is good for me and it helps with losing weight.
5. I am traveling to DR this year for my lines 5th year anniversary. For a second I thought that the only way I would be going is via tweets from those actually there, but like always, God showed up on time with a plan. I can’t wait to tweet and blog from the beach!
6. Two of my friends are getting married this summer. I can’t believe my friends are saying “I do” already. For now all I can say is “I will”.
7. I am thinking about moving far far far away from New York. It is like a fairytale, and I have played Princess long enough. It was fun playing the black Carrie Bradshaw at times, but I can’t seem to save a single dime. While people are buying Condo’s and cars, I am trying to figure out how my rent is going to be paid, and if I should get the monthly metro card this month. I don’t know, it is a scary thought to have to leave. What other city would allow me to play as much as I do here! :(
8. Finally, it is my 25th birthday this summer. Yup this should be the big celebration, half way to 30 (the year that we all dread reaching in fear that we won’t be where we want to be). However, I haven’t planned a single thing towards any so called big anything. It is just so much going on this summer regarding other people, that my own personal (small) accomplishment of 25 years of being freaking amazing will probably go by with just reading Happy Birthday from “friends” via Twitter and Facebook. I am praying that it can be different, but we will see.
   

I am sure that this summer will be filled with so many crazy moments that I will be able to share, and in turn may provide you with a few ways to “Keep Up”. But it is hard out here for a pimp, so I don’t know folks. We will see what the summer brings...

What are your plans for the summer?