GirlTalkLeaks: The Wedding Blues


The Socialite: So why does it seem like the wedding blues is in the air? I feel as if everyone around me is getting engaged, married, or having children. At 25 I feel so young, but I can't help but want what others are experiencing.

ShyahD: Yeah I agree about the weddings/engagements bug. It's exciting. A few years ago I felt like everyone around me was having babies and I was thinking OH NO! But this wedding thing I feel like I could get with it. 25 is relatively young, but we have also entered the 25-34 age range. That's where the marriages and engagements start happening, so we are really feeling it!!!

The Socialite: Yeah I am trying so hard not to start worrying about when someone will propose to me. I have this timeline in my head on when this whole dating, engagement, and marriage thing should all go down, and with it happening all around me I can see myself becoming fearful that it won't happen to me or at least when I want it too.

ShyahD: Well with all the statistics they throw in our face about Black women, and the lack of black men etc etc., being fearful that it won't happen is expected. What is it they say? 1-in-4 women will get married. That's not promising.

The Socialite: Right and of course you want to be optimistic and think that you are the 1 out of 4 women that will get married. You can't help but wonder if you are simply the rule and not the exception.

ShyahD: True. Some people aren't meant to be married and they'll still live happy fulfilling lives…me on the other hand... marriage is in my picture of a happy fulfilling life. So of course I have to be an exception. The thing is, I want ALL my friends to be an exception as well.

The Socialite: Right!! When women talk about having it all, and it simply includes having a successful career, I can't help but think that alone does nothing for me. I like looking at my mom for example and reflecting on how she succeeded in her career and raised a family. It may sound a little cliché, but I truly want the whole white picket fence, two kids and a damn dog life, of course with a new age twist. I have to have a banging career!! So just like I am taking the steps to have a great career, I feel as if I need to be taking the steps to a great marriage. Are their steps, or do we just sit around a wait? Sigh...sometimes I wish I was a man. They simply ask when they are ready.

ShyahD: I don't think there's set steps. Back in our grandparent’s day I think people got married and together built life, i.e. the wife couldn't survive financially without the husband, vice versa. In our day I think you work on being the absolute best person you can be and you bring two fully competent individuals, two whole people into marriage. So no we don't sit around, we live life, gather experiences, work on our careers and well wait. Men control that aspect of our lives SMH…well God controls, but you know what I mean.

The Socialite: lol I know what you mean...I agree! I think that the main thing that we should do as women is concentrate on becoming the best woman that we can be. But I also think that we can't be dumb. Like we can't just sit around our house all damn day hoping that the man of our dreams shows up at our door (I mean of course that excludes the mailman if that is apart of your dream) We have to position ourselves.

ShyahD: LOL!! @ Mailman.. We definitely have to position ourselves, but we can't be too "successful" we'll scare them all away. SMH (and that's me being completely facetious)

The Socialite: I agree! Basically we need to work on ourselves all around, but we also need to make sure that we aren't so focused on simply becoming a powerhouse that we don't take time to do the normal activities that lead you to interacting with people on a more social level. We must make sure that we are also putting equal energy into hanging out and meeting people. But you have to be strategic about it. Go to places where the type of guy you are looking for would be. Oftentimes women our age only hang out at the clubs and wonder why we keep meeting losers. Duh, you are meeting guys that are simply trying to have a good time that night and maybe take a girl home for some fun. We need to start going to church, charity events, joining organizations, art galleries, wine tastings, happy hours (on wall street that is lol). You get my point! Be where "HE" would be. Go places that really interest you and you will meet someone that shares your interest.

ShyahD: AGREED. Broadening the horizons. Meet new people, especially because the "circle" can be so small we have to expand the circle, go to different places, and do different things. Another thing I've been thinking… a little off topic, but I am trying to shift the weight from constantly thinking about “marriage marriage marriage” to asking God to find a LIFE PARTNER. Marriage, as important as it is to me, is more politics. While it is a spiritual commitment, the reality is marriages fail. They’re built on all the wrong things, they're forced, rushed, etc. etc. I want a best friend, companion, lover, business partner, confidant, travel partner, husband all in one, like real genuine love that becomes a commitment before God in the form of a wedding.

The Socialite: Awwww sounds so perfect! The crazy thing is that most people think it is impossible to find all of that, so they rush into pure bullshit. You can really get all of that if you ask God and actually listen! I think that what is really important is that while we all sit here with the wedding blues that we take into consideration everything that we are looking for in a "Life Partner", and understand that God is working hard on you and your partner in order for this to truly work for a lifetime. Some people find their "Life Partner" earlier in the game, and some don't find them at all because they were simply looking for a ring. We must understand that it is okay to take your time.

Shyah: YES! Everyone’s life moves at a different pace, we learn lessons at different times; we'll experience true love and get married at different times too, so remaining patient and hopeful is key. So next time a friend gets married or engaged, in all of our excitement for them, in the back of our minds there should be peace that ours is ON THE WAY, oppose to fear that we'll get left behind.

The Socialite: Couldn't have said it better! It is normal to get the wedding blues. As women we always have periods in our lives where we feel a little bubble forming in our stomach out of fear of something, but we must quickly get over that small fear before it takes over our lives and we block the blessings that are coming out way...in this case it would be a wonderful Life Partner coming into our lives.

You might already know your Life Partner or they could be connected to the circle you are already in. Link up with a few childhood friends or plan little parties where friends can invite friends. You might just meet or already know "The One"

-The Socialite and ShyahD

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3 comments:

K_isforKrissy said...

Awesome Post, I read it's entirety and thought it was awesome!! Honestly, I was thinking of "when am I going to meet him" about 45 mins ago and then fell back on the concept that when I am ready and when God knows I am ready, I will meet him. Right now I am becoming ready to meet my life partner so I am ready to venture off and live life with him.
I accepted believing that when I understood that all the guys I have met are just preparing me to be ready for the one. I have taken each experience and added that to my bucket of experiences.
Oh and I'm 25 too and seeing my friends get married :-)

The Socialite said...

I am glad that you enjoyed the post. I feel like this is a conversation girls our age our having across the board. It is normal for us all to start feeling the wedding blues. I am glad that you understand that our past is preparing us for our future with him!!!!!

4rx said...

thanks for the review, this is a theme that many people like to talk, specially the people who is near to wedding...hmmm what a terrible word jajajaja!

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